Non-Factual Jokes
@TheHouseOfWaffles 2019.12.23 14:31:21
When are they going to start fact-checking movies, because I'm dying to find out whether it's fact or fiction that vampires sparkle in the sunlight. Hopefully Snopes can shine a light on the subject.
Google, Facebook, and Twitter walked into a desert.
Google was carrying a basket of fruit and said, “If we get hungry, we can eat this fruit.”
Facebook was carrying a jug of water and said, “If we get thirsty, we can drink this water.”
Twitter was dragging a car door and said, “If we get hot, we can row down the window.”
Google was carrying a basket of fruit and said, “If we get hungry, we can eat this fruit.”
Facebook was carrying a jug of water and said, “If we get thirsty, we can drink this water.”
Twitter was dragging a car door and said, “If we get hot, we can row down the window.”
FACT CHECK: False, because rowing down the window of a detached automobile door would not accomplish lowering the temperature of a pedestrian wandering a desert climate.
Q: How do you sink a Twitter battleship?
A: Put it in water.
A: Put it in water.
FACT CHECK: False, because Twitter does not have a navy.
Q: How does every joke about YouTube start?
A: By looking over your shoulder.
A: By looking over your shoulder.
FACT CHECK: False, because YouTube/Google/Alphabet is everywhere.
An airplane was about to crash, and there were 5 passengers remaining on board, but only 4 parachutes to go around.
The first passenger, Google, said, “I have an election to interfere with, and I have to make it look like the Russians did it, so it's vital that I survive,” so he took the first parachute and jumped out of the plane.
The second passenger, Disney, said, “There are still more popular franchises for me to absorb and destroy with identity politics, so it's critical that I survive,” so he took the second parachute and jumped out of the plane.
The third passenger, AOC, said, “I'm the world's most brilliant economist, and my skills in financial management are needed or else the world will end in twelve years, so it's absolutely vital that I survive,” so she took the third parachute and jumped out of the plane.
The fourth passenger, Donald Trump, said to the fifth passenger, “Well, the economy is headed in a good direction, and it looks like they finally found a way to unlawfully ‘impeach’ me, so why don't you take the last parachute?”
The fifth passenger, Wile E. Coyote, said, “It's okay, there's a parachute for each of us. The world's most brilliant economist took my anvil.”
The first passenger, Google, said, “I have an election to interfere with, and I have to make it look like the Russians did it, so it's vital that I survive,” so he took the first parachute and jumped out of the plane.
The second passenger, Disney, said, “There are still more popular franchises for me to absorb and destroy with identity politics, so it's critical that I survive,” so he took the second parachute and jumped out of the plane.
The third passenger, AOC, said, “I'm the world's most brilliant economist, and my skills in financial management are needed or else the world will end in twelve years, so it's absolutely vital that I survive,” so she took the third parachute and jumped out of the plane.
The fourth passenger, Donald Trump, said to the fifth passenger, “Well, the economy is headed in a good direction, and it looks like they finally found a way to unlawfully ‘impeach’ me, so why don't you take the last parachute?”
The fifth passenger, Wile E. Coyote, said, “It's okay, there's a parachute for each of us. The world's most brilliant economist took my anvil.”
FACT CHECK: False, because coyotes do not carry anvils with them onto airplanes.
An infinite number of Leftist media walk into a bar.
YouTube orders 1/2 of a beer.
Facebook orders 1/4 of a beer.
Instagram orders 1/8 of a beer.
CNN orders 1/16 of a beer.
Vox orders 1/32 of a beer.
Before Twitter can place an order for 1/64 of a beer, the bartender says, “You're all idiots!” and pours 1 full beer.
YouTube orders 1/2 of a beer.
Facebook orders 1/4 of a beer.
Instagram orders 1/8 of a beer.
CNN orders 1/16 of a beer.
Vox orders 1/32 of a beer.
Before Twitter can place an order for 1/64 of a beer, the bartender says, “You're all idiots!” and pours 1 full beer.
FACT CHECK: False, because an infinite number of customers would exceed the bar's occupancy capacity.
False Information
Checked by Independent Fact-Checkers*